Well first, the bulk of the update ...is that today was a tornado.
A dear friend visited and I needed her hug and support. Good
My family brought Jasper. Great
Jasper cried when I left the room. Good ( I needed that)
Tempe's MRI results came back. Bad
Tempe is still off her vent. Good
Tempe is not eating very well. Bad
We are spinning in circles. Bad
We are pretty much lost. Even though we have done some of this before, this is just not getting any easier. We just want so bad to be at home cuddling our precious children and read stories to Jasper. I want to nurse my baby and not pump all day. We want to not worry about MRI's and EEG's. We want a break. We want our kids to be healthy and thriving. Do we want too much? Are we greedy?
Sorry if this is a depressing post, but no matter how much lexapro I take, no matter how much I try to talk myself into being "super Tessa", today has sucked. I am the Queen of optimism. I am usually the one telling everyone to cheer up and find the light in the day. Today my light is dim. I just want someone to give me the light today. Give me a reason to be excited and motivate me to keep chugging. I know that we think that God and the universe does not give us more than we can take on, but seriously... What is this? I know that I am the one who thinks that I was chosen to take care of special kids like Jasper, but I never thought that Tempe would have to run the same race. I never thought that Tempe would be challenged more than Jasper. I never wanted her to struggle the same way that he does. He is amazing, but his road is bumpy and challenging. I wanted her to be is support, his cheerleader, and his best friend.
As for the MRI, I don't want to get too medical, but it showed evidence of a stroke on one side of her brain stem. Pretty significant damage. We really don't know what that means other than her very high risk for Cerebral Palsy, and significant damage to the section that controls motor function.
Well friends, keep praying and thinking of us. I know that you all are, and we thank you for that. We need more miracles. We need strength.
Tessa
Tessa and Ryan I'm so sorry that that things went in the wrong direction today but lets hope one sted back 2 forward. I know that nothings said by me or anyone else makes this any easier but we are all in Tempe's cornor praying and loving her and praying for strength for you guys.I know that you guys don't know me very well but I fell in love with Jasper the day of my "interview" in my beer shirt and my heart is full of love for Tempe and you and Ryan,I will continue to pray for all of you!
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs
Our God is a God of mercy. And a God of miracles. Prayers will take you straight to the will of God. Praying with you all. Much love your way!
ReplyDeleteTessa and Ryan,
ReplyDeleteYou all are in our prayers, I am praying for Tempe every chance I can. I am also praying for you two and jasper. Jasper has been so blessed with some of the greatest parents in the world. You have showed him the way to help him learn and grow and he is such an amazing little boy. I have faith in you both and know that you will do the same for your precious beautiful Tempe. She is already so amazing and with our prayers we and God will help guide you through this stepping stone.
Tessa I want to let you know that I have never met such a strong willed woman as you. You are amazing in everything you do, you have a heart of gold that would do anything for anyone. And I want you and Ryan to know that if you ever need anything I am here for you. I have faith that you can brighten that light because I know you know your children need you and your children are so amazing and beautiful. They will be each other's best friends and support no matter what.
I know this is a long comment but I just think you and ryan and your whole family are amazing and I wanted to let you know this.
Tessa,
ReplyDeleteI have been saying "Why Tessa?" since Tempe went to Riley. It is not fair. It seems cruel.
If your light is dim, it is understandable. You soldier on for your kids. You are remarkable. You are amazing. Be kind to yourself. I hope that you are being cared for as well. You need to heal from surgery, and you need to stay healthy for Tempe.
You are in my thoughts constantly. Be kind to yourself. You have every right to feel however you feel.
Praying. Really praying for your baby. And you and your husbandd. And your lil son.
ReplyDeleteTessa,
ReplyDeleteI am in a prayer group with a friend of yours Andrea Fields. She shared your website with us so we too could pray for you and your beautiful baby girl. Know that you are not alone. During our valley's we have to surround ourselves in the word. Get your bible out and start posting those bible verses around the room. In fact if there is anyway to put a bible verse above the doorway so that when anyone comes into the room to care for your daughter they will be under the word when entering :) Let your bible be your daily bread to give you the strength you need to get through your days. I know your mind is full of questions and your load is heavy but God knew that you would be the one to love this child to pray for this child. In our weakness he makes us strong although you don't see it you are far stronger than most anyone else would be in this situation. Most importantly remember you are not alone. My favorite verse in the whole bible is Jesus wept. John 11:35 it reminds me of Jesus great compassion for those he loves. When I am struggling I reflect on this verse and know that he has compassion for me and he is our comforter. May you too find peace and comfort in that verse. Praying for Temperance, you and your family...
Hannah Boyd
James 1:2-18.Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature & complete,not lacking anything.If any of you lacks wisdom,he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,& it will be given to him.But when he asks,he must believe & not doubt,because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea,blown & tossed by the wind...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,because when he has stood the test,he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.When tempted,no one should say, "God is tempting me."For God cannot be tempted by evil,nor does he tempt anyone;but each one is tempted when,by his own evil desire, he is dragged away & enticed.Then,after desire has conceived,it gives birth to sin;& sin,when it is full-grown,gives birth to death.Don't be deceived,my dear brothers.Every good & perfect gift is from above,coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,who does not change like shifting shadows.He chose to give us birth through the word of truth,that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.... Such a tough passage to swallow, but sometimes we need it. <3
ReplyDeleteDear Tessa. My heart is so broken for you. You are such an amazing mom . I have seen that many times when I see you at our office. Jasper is so special and I know Tempe will be too. I do not understand why these things happen to such wonderful people. Deuteronomy 31:8. Do not fear or be dismayed. HE will be with you. He will not leave your nor forsake you. He will be with you. I am praying for you and your sweet babies. I will help in anyway I can.
ReplyDeleteHi Tessa, don't know what to say except my heart breaks for you & Ryan to have to go through this type of situation again. Will be praying for you all for strength and healing for each & every one of you. Hugs & love, Jill
ReplyDelete